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The heavenly Father had been most merciful to me in leading me to this
place. Mrs. Bruce was a kind and gentle lady, and proved a true and
sympathizing friend. Before the stipulated month expired, the necessity of
passing up and down stairs frequently, caused my limbs to swell so
painfully, that I became unable to perform my duties. Many ladies would
have thoughtlessly discharged me; but Mrs. Bruce made arrangements to save
me steps, and employed a physician to attend upon me. I had not yet told
her that I was a fugitive slave. She noticed that I was often sad, and
kindly inquired the cause. I spoke of being separated from my children, and
from relatives who were dear to me; but I did not mention the constant
feeling of insecurity which oppressed my spirits. I longed for some one to
confide it; but I had been so deceived by white people, that I had lost all
confidence in them. If they spoke kind words to me, I thought it was for
some selfish purpose. I had entered this family with the distrustful
feelings I had brought with me out of slavery; but ere six months had
passed, I found that the gentle deportment of Mrs. Bruce and the smiles of
her lovely babe were thawing my chilled heart. My narrow mind also began to
expand under the influences of her intelligent conversation, and the
opportunities for reading, which were gladly allowed me whenever I had
leisure from my duties. I gradually became more energetic and more
cheerful.
The old feeling of insecurity, especially with regard to my children, often
threw its dark shadow across my sunshine. Mrs. Bruce offered me a home for
Ellen; but pleasant as it would have been, I did not dare to accept it, for
fear of offending the Hobbs family. Their knowledge of my precarious
situation placed me in their power; and I felt that it was important for me
to keep on the right side of them, till, by dint of labor and economy, I
could make a home for my children. I was far from feeling satisfied with
Ellen's situation. She was not well cared for. She sometimes came to New
York to visit me; but she generally brought a request from Mrs. Hobbs that
I would buy her a pair of shoes, or some article of clothing. This was
accompanied by a promise of payment when Mr. Hobbs's salary at the Custom
House became due; but some how or other the pay-day never came. Thus many
dollars of my earnings were expended to keep my child comfortably clothed.
That, however, was a slight trouble, compared with the fear that their
pecuniary embarrassments might induce them to sell my precious young
daughter. I knew they were in constant communication with Southerners, and
had frequent opportunities to do it. I have stated that when Dr. Flint put
Ellen in jail, at two years old, she had an inflammation of the eyes,
occasioned by measles. This disease still troubled her; and kind Mrs. Bruce
proposed that she should come to New York for a while, to be under the care
of Dr. Elliott, a well known oculist. It did not occur to me that there was
any thing improper in a mother's making such a request; but Mrs. Hobbs was
very angry, and refused to let her go. Situated as I was, it was not
politic to insist upon it. I made no complaint, but I longed to be entirely
free to act a mother's part towards my children. The next time I went over
to Brooklyn, Mrs. Hobbs, as if to apologize for her anger, told me she had
employed her own physician to attend to Ellen's eyes, and that she had
refused my request because she did not consider it safe to trust her in New
York. I accepted the explanation in silence; but she had told me that my
child belonged to her daughter, and I suspected that her real motive was
a fear of my conveying her property away from her. Perhaps I did her
injustice; but my knowledge of Southerners made it difficult for me to feel
otherwise.
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