Dowley's Humiliation

More Books

More by this Author

The dame brought out the table now, and set it under the tree. It caused a visible stir of surprise, it being brand new and a sumptuous article of deal. But the surprise rose higher still when the dame, with a body oozing easy indifference at every pore, but eyes that gave it all away by absolutely flaming with vanity, slowly unfolded an actual simon-pure tablecloth and spread it. That was a notch above even the blacksmith's domestic grandeurs, and it hit him hard; you could see it. But Marco was in Paradise; you could see that, too. Then the dame brought two fine new stools -- whew! that was a sensation; it was visible in the eyes of every guest. Then she brought two more -- as calmly as she could. Sensation again -- with awed murmurs. Again she brought two -- walking on air, she was so proud. The guests were petrified, and the mason muttered:

"There is that about earthly pomps which doth ever move to reverence."

As the dame turned away, Marco couldn't help slapping on the climax while the thing was hot; so he said with what was meant for a languid composure but was a poor imitation of it:

"These suffice; leave the rest."

So there were more yet! It was a fine effect. I couldn't have played the hand better myself.

From this out, the madam piled up the surprises with a rush that fired the general astonishment up to a hundred and fifty in the shade, and at the same time paralyzed expression of it down to gasped "Oh's" and "Ah's," and mute upliftings of hands and eyes. She fetched crockery -- new, and plenty of it; new wooden goblets and other table furniture; and beer, fish, chicken, a goose, eggs, roast beef, roast mutton, a ham, a small roast pig, and a wealth of genuine white wheaten bread. Take it by and large, that spread laid everything far and away in the shade that ever that crowd had seen before. And while they sat there just simply stupefied with wonder and awe, I sort of waved my hand as if by accident, and the storekeeper's son emerged from space and said he had come to collect.

"That's all right," I said, indifferently. "What is the amount? give us the items."

Then he read off this bill, while those three amazed men listened, and serene waves of satisfaction rolled over my soul and alternate waves of terror and admiration surged over Marco's:

        2 pounds salt . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   200
        8 dozen pints beer, in the wood . . . . .   800
        3 bushels wheat . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2,700
        2 pounds fish . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   100
        3 hens  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   400
        1 goose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   400
        3 dozen eggs  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   150
        1 roast of beef . . . . . . . . . . . . .   450
        1 roast of mutton . . . . . . . . . . . .   400
        1 ham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   800
        1 sucking pig . . . . . . . . . . . . . .   500
        2 crockery dinner sets  . . . . . . . . . 6,000
        2 men's suits and underwear . . . . . . . 2,800
        1 stuff and 1 linsey-woolsey gown 
        and underwear . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1,600
        8 wooden goblets  . . . . . . . . . . . .   800
        Various table furniture . . . . . . . . .10,000
        1 deal table  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3,000
        8 stools  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4,000
        2 miller guns, loaded . . . . . . . . . . 3,000