The First Newspaper

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    The readers of the Hosannah will re-
    gret to learn that the hadndsome and
    popular Sir Charolais of Gaul, who dur-
    ing his four weeks' stay at the Bull and
    Halibut, this city, has won every heart
    by his polished manners and elegant
    cPnversation, will pUll out to-day for
    home. Give us another call, Charley!

    The bdsiness end of the funeral of
    the late Sir Dalliance the duke's son of
    Cornwall, killed in an encounter with
    the Giant of the Knotted Bludgeon last
    Tuesday on the borders of the Plain of
    Enchantment was in the hands of the
    ever affable and efficient Mumble,
    prince of un3ertakers, then whom there
    exists none by whom it were a more
    satisfying pleasure to have the last sad
    offices performed. Give him a trial.

    The cordial thanks of the Hosannah
    office are due, from editor down to
    devil, to the ever courteous and thought-
    ful Lord High Stew d of the Palace's
    Third Assistant V t for several sau-
    ceTs of ice crEam a quality calculated
    to make the ey of the recipients hu-
    mid with grt ude; and it done it.
    When this administration wants to
    chalk up a desirable name for early
    promotion, the Hosannah would like a
    chance to sudgest.

    The Demoiselle Irene Dewlap, of
    South Astolat, is visiting her uncle, the
    popular host of the Cattlemen's Board-
    ing House, Liver Lane, this city.

    Young Barker the bellows-mender is
    hoMe again, and looks much improved
    by his vacation round-up among the out-
    lying smithies. See his ad.

Of course it was good enough journalism for a beginning; I knew that quite well, and yet it was somehow disappointing. The "Court Circular" pleased me better; indeed, its simple and dignified respectfulness was a distinct refreshment to me after all those disgraceful familiarities. But even it could have been improved. Do what one may, there is no getting an air of variety into a court circular, I acknowledge that. There is a profound monotonousness about its facts that baffles and defeats one's sincerest efforts to make them sparkle and enthuse. The best way to manage -- in fact, the only sensible way -- is to disguise repetitiousness of fact under variety of form: skin your fact each time and lay on a new cuticle of words. It deceives the eye; you think it is a new fact; it gives you the idea that the court is carrying on like everything; this excites you, and you drain the whole column, with a good appetite, and perhaps never notice that it's a barrel of soup made out of a single bean. Clarence's way was good, it was simple, it was dignified, it was direct and business-like; all I say is, it was not the best way: