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But I have one want which I have never yet been able to satisfy,
and the absence of the object of which I now feel as a most severe evil.
I have no friend, Margaret: when I am glowing with the enthusiasm
of success, there will be none to participate my joy; if I am assailed
by disappointment, no one will endeavour to sustain me in dejection.
I shall commit my thoughts to paper, it is true; but that is a poor medium
for the communication of feeling. I desire the company of a man
who could sympathize with me, whose eyes would reply to mine.
You may deem me romantic, my dear sister, but I bitterly feel
the want of a friend. I have no one near me, gentle yet courageous,
possessed of a cultivated as well as of a capacious mind,
whose tastes are like my own, to approve or amend my plans.
How would such a friend repair the faults of your poor brother!
I am too ardent in execution and too impatient of difficulties.
But it is a still greater evil to me that I am self-educated:
for the first fourteen years of my life I ran wild on a common
and read nothing but our Uncle Thomas' books of voyages.
At that age I became acquainted with the celebrated poets
of our own country; but it was only when it had ceased to be in my power
to derive its most important benefits from such a conviction
that I perceived the necessity of becoming acquainted with more languages
than that of my native country. Now I am twenty-eight and am in reality
more illiterate than many schoolboys of fifteen. It is true
that I have thought more and that my daydreams are more extended
and magnificent, but they want (as the painters call it) *keeping*;
and I greatly need a friend who would have sense enough not to despise me
as romantic, and affection enough for me to endeavour to regulate my mind.
Well, these are useless complaints; I shall certainly find no friend
on the wide ocean, nor even here in Archangel, among merchants and seamen.
Yet some feelings, unallied to the dross of human nature, beat even
in these rugged bosoms. My lieutenant, for instance, is a man of wonderful
courage and enterprise; he is madly desirous of glory, or rather,
to word my phrase more characteristically, of advancement in his profession.
He is an Englishman, and in the midst of national and professional
prejudices, unsoftened by cultivation, retains some of the noblest
endowments of humanity. I first became acquainted with him
on board a whale vessel; finding that he was unemployed in this city,
I easily engaged him to assist in my enterprise.
The master is a person of an excellent disposition and is remarkable
in the ship for his gentleness and the mildness of his discipline.
This circumstance, added to his well-known integrity and dauntless courage,
made me very desirous to engage him. A youth passed in solitude,
my best years spent under your gentle and feminine fosterage,
has so refined the groundwork of my character that I cannot overcome
an intense distaste to the usual brutality exercised on board ship:
I have never believed it to be necessary, and when I heard of a mariner
equally noted for his kindliness of heart and the respect and obedience
paid to him by his crew, I felt myself peculiarly fortunate
in being able to secure his services. I heard of him first
in rather a romantic manner, from a lady who owes to him the happiness
of her life. This, briefly, is his story. Some years ago
he loved a young Russian lady of moderate fortune, and having amassed
a considerable sum in prize-money, the father of the girl consented
to the match. He saw his mistress once before the destined ceremony;
but she was bathed in tears, and throwing herself at his feet,
entreated him to spare her, confessing at the same time
that she loved another, but that he was poor, and that her father
would never consent to the union. My generous friend
reassured the suppliant, and on being informed of the name of her lover,
instantly abandoned his pursuit. He had already bought a farm
with his money, on which he had designed to pass the remainder of his life;
but he bestowed the whole on his rival, together with the remains
of his prize-money to purchase stock, and then himself solicited
the young woman's father to consent to her marriage with her lover.
But the old man decidedly refused, thinking himself bound in honour
to my friend, who, when he found the father inexorable,
quitted his country, nor returned until he heard that his former mistress
was married according to her inclinations. "What a noble fellow!"
you will exclaim. He is so; but then he is wholly uneducated:
he is as silent as a Turk, and a kind of ignorant carelessness attends him,
which, while it renders his conduct the more astonishing,
detracts from the interest and sympathy which otherwise he would command.
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