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When James left the hat-cleaning shop he walked three blocks out
of his way home to look over the goods of a second-hand
bookstall. On the sidewalk stands he had more than once picked
up a paper-covered volume of Clark Russell at half price.
While he was bending with a scholarly stoop over the marked-down
miscellany of cast-off literature, old Tom the caliph sauntered by.
His discerning eye, made keen by twenty years' experience in the
manufacture of laundry soap (save the wrappers!) recognized
instantly the poor and discerning scholar, a worthy object of his
caliphanous mood. He descended the two shallow stone steps that
led from the sidewalk, and addressed without hesitation the object
of his designed munificence. His first words were no worse than
salutatory and tentative.
James Turner looked up coldly, with "Sartor Resartus" in one hand
and "A Mad Marriage" in the other.
"Beat it," said he. "I don't want to buy any coat hangers or town
lots in Hankipoo, New Jersey. Run along, now, and play with your
Teddy bear."
"Young man," said the caliph, ignoring the flippancy of the hat
cleaner, "I observe that you are of a studious disposition. Learning
is one of the finest things in the world. I never had any of it worth
mentioning, but I admire to see it in others. I come from the West,
where we imagine nothing but facts. Maybe I couldn't understand
the poetry and allusions in them books you are picking over, but I
like to see somebody else seem to know what they mean. I'm worth
about $40,000,000, and I'm getting richer every day. I made the
height of it manufacturing Aunt Patty's Silver Soap. I invented
the art of making it. I experimented for three years before I got
just the right quantity of chloride of sodium solution and caustic
potash mixture to curdle properly. And after I had taken some
$9,000,000 out of the soap business I made the rest in corn and
wheat futures. Now, you seem to have the literary and scholarly
turn of character; and I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll pay for your
education at the finest college in the world. I'll pay the expense
of your rummaging over Europe and the art galleries, and finally set
you up in a good business. You needn't make it soap if you have any
objections. I see by your clothes and frazzled necktie that you are
mighty poor; and you can't afford to turn down the offer. Well,
when do you want to begin?"
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